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March 21, 2019

Dear Lucy, 

I recently brought a brass lamp in a charity shop. I brought it because it was in the ‘this stuff is seriously crap 50p’ box under the till. The lid was missing and had been replaced by a stress ball that looked like a sprout. Its plight overwhelmed me – no-...

February 1, 2019

Dear Lucy,

I had coffee with a friend last week. He’s all for supporting local, independent ventures and so he chooses the location. I already know in advance it will be ‘one of those’ trendy coffee shops where, one way or another, I’m going to get a cup of coffee I won...

December 9, 2018

Dear Lucy,

A lump comes to my throat when I think of Bell Bottom Clive. A more unfortunate boy I have never known. He was ginger. The particularly unkind kind. Bright red and wiry, kinking stiffly about his face. Ginger hair is cool now for boys thanks to Harry (Prince)...

October 25, 2018

Dear Lucy,

The other day on the tube, I caught a man staring at the scarf wrapped around my neck. So I immediately I started staring back – at his shoes, neatly wrapped around his feet. I soon regretted choosing his shoes as it meant I would have to break my stare to ch...

October 4, 2018

Dear Lucy,

I wanted to tell you about my recent visit from Mrs Bennett from Pride and Prejudice. I saw she’d become a Dating Coach and my interest was piqued. It was pricey having her to come and live with me (essential to her way of working) but how could I resist. Thi...

September 24, 2018

Dear Lucy,

The other day I was preparing my dinner – a ready meal of Thai Green Curry - and guess who was there in my kitchen, judging my every move? Yes! John and Greg from MasterChef. I felt nervous under their critical gaze, but think I did myself proud. 

Greg was imp...

September 3, 2018

Dear Lucy, I had a most terrible and thrilling thought this week. What if there were no more lists? What if I stopped making lists? I immediately want to make a list of all the lists I could stop making. I don’t.

The list of lists I’m making is the list to end all lists...

July 31, 2018

Dear Lucy,

I can’t find my husband. I’ve looked everywhere you can imagine. As you know, it's not like me to lose something.

I did find something whilst looking though. A purple sock. It was in a duvet cover, rammed right into the corner. After the initial excitement of...

July 9, 2018

Dear Lucy,

It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve been busy writing with the green pen – the lifeline pen. Turns out, it wasn’t running out of ink, it just had a dicky nib. But this morning, it finally ran out.

As you know, I’d wanted to write a goodbye to the life I...

May 23, 2018

Dear Lucy,

Shit’s getting real. That pen I wrote to you about recently – the green lifeline one - is literally hanging on by a pale, inky thread.

Whilst I don’t think of myself as superstitious, I’m getting a bit concerned. I’m taking extra care crossing the road and thi...

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